Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
