oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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