R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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