i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
They have beer where we have blood.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
