if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize