Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
