Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
then he tried to convert me to islam
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
