im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
