Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Farmville is her only friend.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
