Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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