sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
True strength comes from lack of pants
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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