i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
