dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I love you.
Bad choice
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
