you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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