I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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