My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
