3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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