If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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