You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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