On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
