I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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