im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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