It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
