Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
