Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
