I got chris browned last night
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
