Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
