Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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