belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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