I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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