You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
