just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
