I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize