It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
