I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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