dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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