paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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