Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
