I don't think brook has ever known best
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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