i drank out of a bidet.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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