I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Did I show you my penis last night?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
