Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
