he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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