Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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