i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
