Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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