judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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