I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
