My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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