cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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