You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
