You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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