the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
