to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
