His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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