I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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