I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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