i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
