Your mouth is God's brothel.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
