I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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