i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
