You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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