i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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