Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
