Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize