I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
