Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
