i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
