You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Randomize
