I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
