I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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