I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
