Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
