never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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