So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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