apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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