I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
