just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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