Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize