If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Randomize
