my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
