I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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