I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
